You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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