So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
