They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
