Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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