before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
