I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
