I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
