she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
