Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I want a musical about memes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
