i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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