i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize