I got chris browned last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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