Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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