careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
