im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
