Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
