just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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