Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
