I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
