hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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