He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
