Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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