oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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