I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
