He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
