Taylor Swift is so right about you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
