So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
