Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
