the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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