so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I checked into jail on foursquare
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
