I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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