How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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