Umm I'm too high to move.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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