Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize