you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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