i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
