youre lurking in front of me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
