I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
