Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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