just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
