if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
