we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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