Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
