Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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