Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
