Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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