I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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