my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
