We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
