Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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