You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
