he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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