well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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