first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
