did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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