You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
