you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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