God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
