you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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