I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
