how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
