she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
