Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
