i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I party with great urgency now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
