she smelled like a LAN party
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
