Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
