Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
