I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
