this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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