i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
