just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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