i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
